Indescribable are my feelings as of late.
A year full of you was a year rich with love and hate.
“Your soul has been destroyed,” they often say.
All attempts to hide the pain apparently were in vain.
My distress signal has been sent unintentionally.
I didn’t want the world to know about my grievous fate.
A fate controlled by your hands and manipulative ways.
Your lies and deception began to affect my spirits greatly.
A day without the drop of a tear began to seem inconceivable.
But love has a tendency to make a deceptive reality.
They tell me that the way I love is often taken advantage of.
They said I’m being used and terribly abused.
One look at me and they would gasp in disbelief at the amount of weight I had lost-
Immediately noting that your actions were to blame.
My stress levels have tripled in the time that I’ve known you-
My health on a constant decline.
But, honestly, I didn’t care what they said.
I didn’t care that my health was at stake.
And despite how terribly you treated me, and probably will always treat me, my heart does not work maliciously.
I refuse to turn my back on you.
Because I still love you.
And I’ll never stop loving you.
But today I’m cutting the strings that you used, for so long, to control me.
I’m not a wooden inanimate object so I shouldn’t be treated like one.
My heart is made of flesh and blood.
It beats like yours and it feels pain like yours.
Ask yourself how many times I hurt you.
Now ask yourself how many times you hurt me.
The disparity you’ll find is because I tried desperately to shield your heart from pain.
You never cared to do the same.
Yet I still love you.
I’ll always love you.
Only difference is, I’m in control now.
I’m not a marionette,
and you’re not my puppeteer.

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